Tanker Ray "The Bar Cat" takes a walk

AARRGGHH!!!It was a rough Friday, it was. Tanker Ray the BarCat was gone. Not hide nor hair of the beast could be found. Gone.Ehab, crazy as an outhouse rat on a good day, spent 34 of 36 hours crawling under houses on 4th and 5th Avenue looking for the Cat in the rain and darkness. It was a sad sight to see the old man forlornly making rounds of the surrounding blocks with his flashlight looking under bushes and behind trash cans.Anybody who ever lost a pet can feel for the old man. It was grisly. It was quiet at the Grotto without the Tank raising hell. The old man just kept putting one foot in front of the other, going through the motions.Well, about 40 hours into the ordeal Eddie, the cleaning guy, tells Ehab that Carmine's bunch across the street has the cat!Sure enough, three bouncers from Carmine's patio are hanging on to the Tank and he's kicking and biting and scratching. If he could talk he would have said, " Put me down you big dopes or I'll murderize the whole bunch of youse"!!The old man paid a substantial reward and reclaimed his pal, trying not to squeeze him too hard.Seems that the bouncers had found the Tank on Carmine's upstairs balcony, Recognizing him for the "crazy cat that climbs the palm trees" the guys locked him up over night so he wouldn't escape or get hit by a car.All's well that ends well. Tanks a little embarrassed and although greatly conflicted, the old man is clearly relieved,So after Tanker's big adventure the old man was directed to a web site called www.flippyscatpage.com. Come to find out that under famous felines' the big Tank, Gaspar’s Grotto very own Barcat Extraordinaire, now occupies the top spot, moving Garfield into 2nd place and Felix the Cat into a distant 5th. Go figure! Got to make sure the Tank don't let it go to his headLast week the Old Man went to visit his mother up at the Alzheimers place. Took the Tank with him and the whelps too. Tank likes to socialize with the old folks and they like him too. On this day, the nurse says to the middle whelp that Tank might like the resident cat, ARDEN, a very young and amenable tuxedo. Ehab says that he doesn't think that's a good idea but before he can protest further, in comes the girl holding ARDEN. Well, all hell ain't broken loose like that since the French Navy took over John Bull's that Pireaus summer back in '72. The Tank is all over the poor kitty and anybody in between is getting scratched, bitten and perforated. Arden runs to save himself like there ain't no tomorrow ( there ain’t). Tank's in close pursuit going 100 MPH with his fur on fire and towing his leash. Down the long hall, screaming like banshees where, at the end, they re-engage and roll around like a furry ball of electricity, claws and noise. Arden escapes again and comes back up the corridor, making all possible speed. All Ehab can imagine is that loose leash wrapping around the ankle of a senior......... As the Tank goes by Ehab steps hard on his leash and the marauding Kitty Cat snaps to a stop. Ever see a cat had the wind knocked out of him? Arden's hiding under one of the old folks chairs. But Tank’s not finished and starts to howl. He want's more. Ehab's had enough though and drags the cat out to the car where he remains for the rest of the visit. Poor Arden, enjoying a peaceful Sunday at home with the old folks when Ghengis Khan rides in leading the Mongol Hordes........Back at the Grotto things are getting crazy. Our Pirate ladies are charming the gentlemen at a steadily increasing rate and the gentlemen are loathe to even go home. Deliveries are up. business is up and, my goodness, even old Ehab's spirits are up. The Gaspar's Grotto house flags are selling fast, (get your's today). Been playing more Rock & Roll these days and the crowds are liking it. Not to mention Karaoke John on Friday nights. Don't miss Mr. Jeff's Metallica Sundays which are getting big and BLACK MONDAY where if you wear all black we have a surprise for you.The old man recently invested in a second nitrogen gas blender for the beer system. What that means is that we now serve Guiness on tap. Sold a whole keg on the first day. Since the Irish pub left Ybor, we figure it was time to take up the slack and serve Guiness. Didn't take long for some college boy to steal the tap handle though. If Ehab catches him he'll skin him alive, don’t ‘cha know?Put in 4 beer pong tables and the draft consumption went up 500% overnight. Ping pong balls all over the place. Ehab, always a curmudgeon, says no serious drinking establishment has got ping pong balls underfoot but Mr. Jeff points out that only serious drinking establishments increase draft sales 500% overnight.All the waiters, bartenders, servers, managers, owners and the like of every retail establishment in Ybor are spending their afternoons ( and their tip money) at the Grotto. Feels like the warm, collegial buzz that the Captain envisioned when he opened the bar continues to spread. We take care of our friends, we do.The old chef could cook like anything but come to find out after many successful months of employment, he had previously left from the custody of the State of Michigan without asking if he could go. That’s spelled E-S-C-A-P-E-E. So, when the police inquired about him on another small matter and found out that the folks in Michigan wanted desperately to speak to him, the poor lad found himself in the hoo-scow facing extradition, we presume. Anyway, new chef come on board and this lad can cook and clean something fierce and Ehab says that if it weren't for the head bar wench he'd marry the guy. Somehow that's hard to believe. Come on in and try some real home cooking from the galley. Our new $5 lunch bucket is good and fast.St. Pats day was a big success. Went through enough corned beef to elevate Argentina to 1st world status. The Rough Riders were everywhere and we were pouring 'em car bombs all over the place.Last week the 2nd annual International Cane Spirits Festival took place. Once again the Captain was a judge. Doing a job he was born for. Tasted over 80 different rums and cachasas, he did. Folks from all over the world attended and it was bigger than last year. Next year it will be hard to get tickets, we're sure. Try one of the Captain's Cai Pirinha ( KYE PEER EEN YA). The old man been making 'em since he was a wet behind the ears cadet on the SS Mormac Pride, running New York to Santos, Brasil, and you won't find a better one anywhereYesterday, old Ehab wandered in with a flat of mint plants and planted them on the patio. Now when a guest asks for a mojito ( or a mint Julep) the bartenders send 'em outside with instructions to pick 5 mint leafs off the plants and bring 'em back to the bar. The customers get a kick out of that and once again, no B.S., Gaspar's Grotto can claim to have the best mojito and it's 100% true. Who else picks fresh mint for each drink? No one, that’s who! We won't tell 'em that we saw the Tank lurking and sniffing around the mint plants er.. ah...erghh......Yesterday Ehab took the youngest whelp to the shooting range. Took the .45 caliber Colt 1911, (the one 4 fingered Willy carried on Tinian in 1945). Took it out of the holster he carries in the waistband at the small of his back and the two proceeded to punch very small groups of very large holes in paper targets with nearly overwhelming sound and fury. Both those reprobates, we hear, had evil grins on their mugs. All told, the little guy, held his own. Such a sweet child. Funny way how those Ehab's bond!Come on in and take a look at what’s new at the Grotto. It’s always a delight and a surprise and you never know who you’ll see sitting in a booth or bellied up to the bar. Word is that more business gets done at the bar than at City Hall, the Courthouse and Palma Ceia Golfcourse, all three put togetherAARRGGHH!!Ehab’s loyal scribe