Where does me time go? Look at this it's the middle of summer aarrgghghh!!!

AARRGGHGHH!!!

SO’S A HOMELESS GUY, DOWN ON HIS LUCK, SIDLES UP TO WENCH ADRIAN AT THE BAR LAST WEEK. REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PLOPS DOWN A SMALL PACKAGE ON THE BAR. HELL’S BELLS IF IT AINT A TINY KITTEN NO MORE’N A FEW WEEKS OLD. SAYS HE, “ TRADE THIS FOR A PABST BLUE RIBBON ??” YOUNG ADRIAN, ANIMAL LOVER TO THE CORE, CLOSES THE DEAL IN A NEW YORK SECOND. NAME OF THE KITTEN—PBR.

EVER SEE THAT AT ONE OF THEM DAMN FRU-FRU BARS?


NEXT:

EHAB WANTS TO THANK THE STAFF AT TBT FOR PLACING THE GROTTO AT #12 AMONG THE AREAS 100 BEST BARS. FURTHER, WELL, …….THEN THERES…… OH HELL’S BELLS HE DOES!!#2%^! IN A PIG’S WHISTLE DOES EHAB ACCEPT THAT NONSENSE- NO SIREE BOB!!@!!##. WHAT A BUNCH OF DAMN POLITICAL HORSE PUCKEY. THOSE SCALLYWAGS AND SEAHAGS, WRITING FOR THAT FISHWRAP, SELLIN THAT THERE’S 11 BETTER BARS IN THIS AREA THAN THE GROTTO. CRAP WE SAY—CRAP.

WHY FOR THE LOVE OF PETE AND ALL THE UNHOLY ANGELS GUARDING NEPTUNE’S SOUL, ANY IDIOT, IMBICILE OR MORON KNOWS THERE AIN’T 11 BETTER BARS ON THE WHOLE, STINKING, PLANET!~!!@!!!

AT LEAST MANY OF THE FRU-FRU JOINTS WERE CORRECTLY PLACED, YOU KNOW, AT THE MALL! MEANS THAT THE WRITERS WEREN’T SMOKING SOMETHIN’ OR OVERIMBIBED THE GROG AT LEAST!!.

ANYWAYS, WE’DE LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY, OUR AGENT, MORTY SCHMECKLESTEIN, WE LOVE YOU MORTY, OUR MOTHERS AND MOST OF ALL OUR WIVES…….. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

THEN THERE’S THIS:

THE WAY WE HEARS IT, OLD BOSCO COMES DOWN STAIRS FROM THE OFFICE, IN DISTRESS, TOWING AN OBVIOUSLY BEAT UP AND BLEEDING GUS THE GREYHOUND. GUS WAS SPLATTERED WITH EXCREMENT AND BLOOD AND SHIVERING LIKE, WELL, FOR LACK OF AN EQUALLY DESCRIPTIVE YET LESS OFFENSIVE PHRASE, A DOG SH---NG A RAZOR BLADE.


OLD EHAB AND THE INCREDIBLE PIRATE CHEF J.P. HAD HAD THEIR HEADS TOGETHER AT THE TIME PLOTTING STRATEGY FOR THE NEW KITCHEN LAUNCH AND ALL THAT ENTAILS. BUT BEING A MAJOR DOG LOVER HERSELF CHEF J.P GOT UPSET AT THE LOOK OF GUSSY. IT MAY ALSO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE SMELL OF GUSSY. OLD EHAB REMEBERED WAKING UP ON THE FLOOR OF THE BASTILLE SUBWAY STATION’S LOWER BATHROOM IN PARIS IN 1982, THE MIDGET SITTING ON THE SINK SMOKING A GALOISE AND THE TRANSVESTITE WITH THE ½ EATEN JAR OF PICKLED PIG’S FEET HUMMING ‘LA MARSEILLE’ THROUGH HER CHEWING GUM,……THE WAY THE SMOKE CURLED AS IT ROSE—WELL THAT’S ANOTHER STORY ALTOGETHER.

UPON INSPECTION OLD GUSSY WAS MISSING MOST OF THE BLACK SKIN ON HIS NOSE, WHICH WAS ALSO SHOWING DEEP,BLOODY, GOUGES AND OTHER ABRAISIONS AND CONTUSIONS. LOOKED LIKE HE’D FALLEN INTO A BUZZ SAW, WHICH ESSENTIALY, HE HAD.

ANYWAY, BOSCO TOLD EHAB THAT HE BETTER GET UPSTAIRS BECAUSE
TANK AND GUS HAD HAD A NASTY TUSSLE. WELL, EVEN THOUGH GUS OUTWEIGHS THE TANK SIXFOLD, IS ALL MUSCLES, SINEWS AND TEETH, AND HAS A BODY FAT RATIO OF 0.0, IT AIN’T FOR NOTHING THAT THEY CALL THE TANK “ THE MEANEST 12 POUNDS ON THE PLANET”. EHAB WAS THANKING THE LORD GUS STILL HAD HIS EYES INTACT. TANK WILL USUALLY GO DIRECTLY FOR THE EYES. FINDS IT’S THE QUICKEST WAY TO TAKE DOWN A HEAVYWEIGHT.


WHEN EHAB GOT TO THE OFFICE THE TANK WAS SITTING ON THE DESK LICKING HIMSELF. NOT A MARK ON HIM. HE STOPPED, HE LOOKED UP, GAVE EHAB THE “ YEAH, SO WHAT A-HOLE, AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN IF YOU BRING THAT BIG LUG BACK UP HERE TOO” LOOK. TANK WENT BACK TO PICKING PIECES OF DOG NOSE AND SUCH OUT OF HIS CLAWS.

THE OFFICE SMELLED LIKE, WELL, YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW. LITERALLY, TANK HAD BEATEN THE S—T. OUT OF THE POOR CANINE. THE CARPET WAS COVERED IN BLOOD AND DOG EXCREMENT. IT TOOK EHAB AN HOUR WITH GLOVES, RAGS, BUCKETS, HOT WATER, DETERGENT AND BLEACH TO MAKE THE PLACE HABITABLE.

ALL THAT TIME TANK SAT PRIMLY ON THE DESKTOP, LICKING HIS COAT AND WATCHING EHAB CLEAN UP HIS MESS. 15 SECOND TUSSLE, 1 HOUR CLEANUP.


THE POINT OF THIS, WELL, TRUTH BE TOLD, THERE AIN’T NO POINT, FESTER. JEST FIGURED THAT FRIENDS OF THE TANK WOULD WANT TO KNOW THAT HE AINT CHANGED A SINGLE DAMNNED BIT GOING INTO MIDDLE CAT AGE.

AARRGGHH!!!
EHAB’S FAITHFULL SCRIBE